Spamswers: You Are Lucky Winner!

November 26, 2012

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Spam_2.jpg

Since I’ve started plastering my email address publicly across the Interwebs I’ve received an accosting level of spam in my inbox. Against my better judgement, I’ve decided to reply to them here, using the alter-ego that I just made up. All spelling mistakes are their fault. And for the love of god, don’t go to ANY of their links.

==========================================

From: SWISS LOTTO NEDERLANDS [redacted]

SWISS LOTTO NETHERLANDS
FRANCOSTRAAT 40,
3067DV, LAIDEN.
NETHERLANDS
[redacted]

CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU HAVE WON 750,000 EURO

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Why Online Petitions Are The Best And Worst Things to Happen to Politics

November 19, 2012

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Constitution_We_the_People.jpg

Possible Subtitle: And, I guess, Why I Am Agnostic.

The Obama Administration, being as tech-savvy as they are, has become the first to use online petitions to get feedback from citizens directly. These “We The People” petitions have become national news recently, because some apparently believe you can secede from the union via the Internet.

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4 Important Realizations You Have After Surviving a Natural Disaster

November 12, 2012

http://topics.bloomberg.com/hurricane-sandy/

I recently “survived” one of the worst storms to hit the Northeastern United States ever. I put that in quotes because I was about a million miles away from any real danger, and anyone who lives in a more hurricane-prone area will laugh at how much I cower if Mother Nature so much as sneezes in my direction. From my perspective, it was definitely the closest I’ve come to being a statistic on a FEMA graph, but that’s like saying The Rock is the closest thing to a real wrestler I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t change the fact that it was still not even close.

But, I am a child of the Internet, and as such I am able to gather anecdotal evidence from friends and strangers to make sweeping generalizations about the human race. Having such a huge natural phenomenon cut as close as it did makes you realize a few key things about our beautiful world. Like the fact that it wants to kill you.

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How to Fix Elections, Part Deux

November 5, 2012

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3qdh1x/

In Part 1, I spent way too long explaining why the electoral college doesn’t make sense any more as an electing body. In part 2, I will spend too much screen time with the back story of a minor character who gets killed off anyway and I’ll probably screw up the ending.

Here’s the rest of what we should do to fix elections.

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How to Fix Elections

November 2, 2012

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rapfr/

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: You have never voted for the President, ever, in your entire life.

- – – – -

This post was written before the results of the 2012 Presidential Election were revealed, but I can guarantee you this: it will be close, it will be historically important, and it will divide this country in a way previously unprecedented. (Of course, if all this doesn’t happen I can always retroactively edit this and still appear smart.)

But at the very same time, the final result will be probably be bullshit, regardless of who wins. Here are my ideas on how to fix future elections.

First, Abolish The Electoral College

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