Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Here are the three stupidest things mine has ever said to me.
I’m not fat. I never was and have no plans to be in the future. But I really, really like food. I have taken some steps to be healthier recently. Thankfully, they’ve since fixed the elevator.
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Holidays | Tagged: batman, clean plate club, generation me, Mom, mother's, not father's | 
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Posted by Chris Rio
The Star Wars Prequels are hands-down the most underrated series of movies ever developed. I saw Episode I when I was 10 years old, and it changed my life. The drama. The tension. The light sabers. The Jar Jar.
Now, this may be a rather unpopular opinion, and I invite people to politely disagree. But I believe I have indisputable proof that these movies were simply better than the originals in almost every aspect. In this list, I will explain how all the characters that were introduced and then killed off in Episode I actually have full character arcs that rival The Godfather. I will analyze the dialog, and breakdown exactly why George Lucas’s writing chops shone brighter than ever, especially during Episode II’s pivotal scenes. I will argue why Hayden Christensen and that kid with the bowl cut couldn’t have been more perfect for their roles as Anakin, and why Yoda became way more interesting as an entirely computer generated whatever he is. Also, as an avid C-SPAN watcher, I thoroughly enjoyed the parts about the Galactic Senate, and if anything the movies needed some extra explanation as to how the trade embargoes affected the constituents of the voting majority.
But let’s start with the basics. What really made these movies so great?
1 Comment | Holidays | Tagged: childhood ruining, crap, horrible, Jar Jar, movies, plotless, pointless, star wars | Permalink
Posted by Chris Rio
Poor Canada.
Existing so close to the United States must be heartbreaking. We get credit for everything. We won World War II and saved the Universe, even though you guys had the third largest navy and were just as important in the landings at Normandy. Yet no matter how you frame it, Canada still functions essentially as America’s hat. Or…we’re Canada’s pants. Either way, Florida is the dick of North America.
So in the spirit of the season of giving and Goodwill, I’d like to give the gift of this article, which takes a massive dump on Canada’s cultural traditions by using Wikipedia to point out how much their holidays suck compared to ours, from a guy who has only been there twice. And then I will go buy some old furniture from Goodwill.
I’m sorry. But they really suck.
Leave a Comment » | Holidays | Tagged: Boxing Day, Canada, Christmas, holidays | Permalink
Posted by Chris Rio
In honor of Halloween, I’m going to take 3 seemingly ordinary objects and scare the hell out of you with them, the same way that Toy Story scared the hell out of me with normal, everyday, Cycloptic Octo-Baby Dolls.
I will admit I’m not starting from scratch here. I mean, gas masks are already kind of creepy. That’s because the only reason to ever use one is due to the deathification of the very air you breathe. What I will do to make up for that, is up the ante with undoubtedly the creepiest photograph you will ever see in your life.
Leave a Comment » | Holidays | Tagged: 3-D printing, demons, gas masks, Halloween, lucid dreaming, toy story | Permalink
Posted by Chris Rio
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