I recently got back from a 7 day vacation in the Caribbean. I’ll write about that part later, because writing is hard. But since we were leaving from Florida, we made a stop in the Magic Kingdom for a whole day. Yay, I thought. I’ve only been there twice before, the last time being 8 years ago. Going as an adult is still enjoyable, but it’s not quite the magical utopia you remember. Now I’m old enough to realize:
1. It’s Creepily Sterile
Every amusement park I’ve ever been to has always been covered in trash. Candy wrappers, puke, napkins, spilled food, empty lube containers…it’s always everywhere all the time. And there’s one simple reason: it’s impossible to keep that much space clean when you sell the very stuff that gets thrown all over the place in the park. You just cannot hire enough people. I don’t care how many trash barrels you put at every corner and every ride, I guarantee you there will be a pile of shit right next to it. And somebody will put a plastic bottle in the clearly marked paper bin. I’m trying to come up with an appropriate punishment for these violators other than “Merry-Go-Round Castration” but I’m honestly struggling.